The Edward Bulwar Lytton prize is awarded every year to the author of the worst possible opening line of a book. This has been so successful that Penguin now publishes five books' worth of entries. Some recent winners:

"As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

"With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown air, deepazure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

"Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

"The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad's deception, screaming madly, 'You LIED!'"

"Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."