1.. On Saturday nights, it seems that just can't drink enough beer, because every Sunday morning I wake up thirsty.

2.. Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate

3.. Avoid embarrassment after tripping in the street by repeating the same movement several times to make it look like a normal part of your behaviour.

4.. If you have an artificial leg, make it virtually unnoticeable by wearing long trousers.

5.. A teaspoon placed in a cup on your back seat makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity.

6.. Small tadpoles, with their tails removed, make tasty (and cheap) caviar substitutes.

7.. Annoy your neighbour by liberally sprinkling nettle and other weed seeds into his garden bed when he's out.

8.. Thicken up runny low fat yogurt by stirring in a large spoonful of lard. Simple.

9.. Increase the weight of your husband's trousers by attaching onions onto the belt loops.

10.. Golfers! Empty egg cartons make ideal containers for golf balls. (Except that they are a bit too small.)

11.. Inject food colouring into the bottom of your toothpaste tube with a hypodermic needle. When the toothpaste appears coloured, you will know it is time to buy a new tube.

12.. Next time you redecorate, put up wallpaper with blu-tac. It's much easier, and expensive paper can be easily removed and taken with you when you move.

13.. Never invite drug addicts around for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of 'cold turkey' embarrassing or offensive.

14.. By joining together thousands of paperclips, you can make yourself an attractive chain-mail tank top. Ideal for a 'knight' out.

15.. Save time and effort playing darts by attaching a length of string to each dart. After throwing a sharp tug on the string will return the darts to you.

16.. Keep a hammer by your bed in case any nails fall out of the ceiling at night.

17.. Save money on ice cubes by using frozen peas. They are just as good and can be washed afterwards and refrozen.

18.. Before driving at night, stare into a pair of 150w globes for half an hour. Then if oncoming drivers don't dip their high beams you will be acclimatised and the glare will not bother you.

19.. Last week I decided to walk home behind the bus, saving $2.40. However the next night I walked home behind a taxi, making a much larger saving of $9.80.

20.. Stop your underpants from wedging in your bum by simply taping your cheeks together with gaffer tape.

21.. Teach your children the value of money by bursting their football. They will then have to earn enough money to buy a replacement.

22.. Only buy Blue Vein cheese so that guests won't notice if it has gets old and mouldy in the fridge.

23.. To enhance the flavour of salt, sprinkle food on it.

24.. Pile bricks into your bath and it will take much less hot water to fill it up.

25.. Motorcyclists. Save used cigarette filters and stick them in your nostrils. These will stop dirt and odours getting in, whilst still allowing you to breathe. 26.. Save money on heating bills in winter by coating

yourself thoroughly in Tiger Balm or a sports liniment like Dencorub.

27.. Cyclists. Next time you are out on your bike take a large tin bath and 20 or 30 litres of water in plastic containers. In the event of a flat tyre this will help locate any punctures.

28.. Don't waste old plastic toothbrushes. When one wears out pop it into the cornflakes packet. It makes a great surprise for the kids.

29.. Respraying your car? Cover it with 'cling film' first. Then if you don't like the colour simply peel it off and start again with another.